Following Truth Means Looking Inward

I've spent a lot of time thinking about what following Truth has cost me. 

But lately, I've been thinking about something harder. 

What did my certainty cost other people?

I grew up in a religious world where those who left were often regarded as having fallen away. I knew that world from the inside. I knew how we thought about people who left. And I participated in it. At the time, I believed I was doing the right thing.

I don't know what that world looks like today. But I know how it looked to me then. And I know I participated in it. But I still love many of the people who remain there.

Recently, I encountered some of them at a community event. They were gracious. They said hello. They asked about my family. I asked about theirs.  There was no confrontation. No hostility. Nothing dramatic happened.

And yet, as I stood there talking with people I had known for years, something suddenly struck me. I was the outsider. I was the one who had left. For a moment, I felt like the prodigal.

And it hurt more than I expected. 

Not because I regret following the path that led me to Catholicism. I don't. 

It hurt because I realized how much belonging can mean – and because I remembered that there was a time when I was part of a community that looked at people who left very differently than I do now.

I don't know how many people I may have hurt. Maybe I said things that wounded someone. Maybe I made someone feel that they no longer belonged. Maybe I participated in a kind of judgment that I didn't understand at the time.

I can't go back and change those things. But I can acknowledge them. And I can ask forgiveness.

Perhaps part of following Truth is discovering not only where we were wrong, but where we ourselves need forgiveness.

That's where I find myself this week. 

Not looking outward. 

Looking inward.

And praying for the grace to recognize the people I may have hurt – and the humility to say: I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

I also have to acknowledge what I have gained.

When I entered the Catholic Church, I didn't step into a vacuum. I was welcomed into a parish. People opened their lives to me. They invited me to worship with them, to serve with them, and eventually to become part of their community.

I found a home. I found my place at the table prepared for me.

That doesn't erase what I lost. And it doesn't mean I stopped loving the people I left behind. 

Both things can be true.

I can miss people I once belonged with and be grateful for the people who welcomed me. 

I can regret the ways I may have hurt others and still be grateful for the mercy I have received.

Perhaps that is part of following Truth: eventually, Truth turns us inward. It shows us not only where others were wrong, but where we ourselves need forgiveness.

And perhaps it also shows us where grace has been waiting for us. 

I am grateful for the people who welcomed me.

I am grateful for the people I still love. 

And I pray for the grace to ask forgiveness from those I may have hurt along the way.

Following Truth Wherever He Leads