03Aug

Years ago, I searched high and low for Sen-Sen. My father always carried a little pack in the pocket of his suit coat, and as a boy I loved them. Eventually they disappeared from store shelves. I bought boxes of them whenever I found them, knowing they wouldn't last forever. 

Today they're gone, but the memories remain.

Looking back, I realize I was searching for more than candy. I was trying to reconnect with a time and a person I loved.

Looking at an old family photo triggered a memory of something else I have been searching for. A hymn. Actually, a recording of that hymn. A hymn I heard for the first time as a child.  Isn’t it funny how our senses work. We see a picture, we remember a particular taste, and then a sound.

For me, that progression led me to a precious memory. That old black and white photo got me thinking about what we might have been doing back then. My siblings and I are clearly dressed in our Sunday best. It’s 8:15, I’m guessing in the morning, because at that age we’d have been in bed if it was evening. There must have been some important occasion that my parents wanted to memorialize.

Once a month, we traveled from Greenville, Pennsylvania, to Buffalo, New York, where Apostle John W. Fendt conducted District Services at Kleinhans Music Hall. Congregations from across the district gathered there, and the combined district choir filled that magnificent hall with music unlike anything I'd ever heard.

Before the service began, the choir would sing. There were no microphones, no praise band, no stage lighting – just dozens of well-trained voices, accompanied by a magnificent pipe organ, filling Kleinhans Music Hall with harmonies that seemed to come from every direction.

One of the songs the choir sang was composed particularly for this kind of choir. In 1922, Carrie B. Adams composed a choral anthem based on Psalm 125. I found and purchased a copy of The Choir Herald where it first appeared.

Each time I hear the words of that Psalm, I am taken back to hearing the New Apostolic Church Buffalo District Choir sing, They That Trust In The Lord. Particularly the section of the song where the choir stops and a trio of voices begins.

The full choir stops; a trio steps out from the choir and up to a single microphone. The organ plays and two women and a man begin: 

“I was glad when they said unto me, let us go into the house of the Lord.” 

The voices blend as one. 

The harmony flawless. 

The timing impeccable. 

When the full choir resumes, they sing powerfully, 

“Let the people praise thee, praise thee oh God!”

I can still remember how the final chord resounded in that hall and in my soul. 

I can still hear it now. 

I searched for years for a recording of that song. 

I eventually found a recording on YouTube.

The video was grainy, the sound was poor, and the choir... well, let's just say they weren't the NAC Buffalo District Choir. I listened anyway. Not because it matched my memory, but because it reminded me that some things are too deeply woven into our lives to be recaptured by a recording.

As a younger man, I searched for an obsolete breath mint. 

Years later, I searched for an old hymn.

One could never be found again. 

The other, I discovered, had never really been lost. The words of Psalm 125 are still with me, and so is the trust in God they planted in the heart of a little boy. 

Following Truth Wherever He Leads


A "Wink of Providence"

I have been working on another book, One Tin Soldier. While working on a genealogy, I discovered so many mysteries about my ancestors, that it led to me creating a work of historical fiction. As I wrote this post, I received one of those unexpected ‘winks of Providence.’ I learned that Kleinhans Music Hall had been designed by a pair of Finnish architects. Eliel and Eero Saarinen. Father and son. As someone who would eventually come to appreciate his own Finnish heritage, that discovery made this memory even sweeter.

20Jul

There are moments in life that seem ordinary when they happen. Only years later do we realize we were being given a glimpse of something we could not yet imagine.

For me, one of those moments came on Holy Thursday in 2014.

Janis and I were sitting together in a Catholic church. I was still in RCIA, preparing to enter into full communion with the Catholic Church at the Easter Vigil. 

Everything was still new to me. 

The incense. The music. The washing of the feet. The procession. The priest. The deacon. 

I watched everything. 

What I was not doing was imagining myself as a deacon. 

Nothing could have been further from my mind.

I wasn't becoming Catholic because I wanted to be ordained. I wasn't looking ahead to some future ministry. At that moment, I was still trying to understand the road immediately in front of me. 

Could I really do this? 

Could I leave behind the religious world that had shaped me from childhood and profess the Catholic faith? 

Could I finally follow where I believed God was leading me? 

That was enough for one winding road. 

And Janis was sitting beside me. 

She couldn't have known what was coming either. 

Years later, when the possibility of formation for the permanent diaconate unexpectedly entered our lives, I would discover that this particular calling wasn't mine to discern alone. 

Janis would have a voice in that decision. 

More than a voice, actually. 

She had veto power. 

And let's just say she wasn't exactly waving me toward the starting line. 

But that is her story too, and if that part of our journey is ever told here, it will be told with her blessing. 

On that Holy Thursday night, though, none of this was on our minds. 

We were simply a husband and wife sitting together in a pew. 

I was watching a deacon serve at the altar. 

I didn't know that years later I would stand there myself. 

I didn't know that the woman beside me would have to decide whether she was willing to walk that road with me. 

I didn't know what God was doing.

I didn't know I was watching my future. 

Looking back, I've come to believe that life is filled with moments like that. We live them without recognizing their significance. Years pass, the road turns, and suddenly we find ourselves looking backward and thinking: 

Oh. That's what that was. 

Maybe you've had a moment like that too. 

A person you almost didn't meet. 

A door you nearly didn't walk through. 

A decision that seemed insignificant at the time. 

A moment you couldn't possibly have understood until years later. 

Sometimes we don't recognize God's hand while the story is being written. 

Sometimes we have to travel farther down the winding road before we can look back and see where He was leading us all along. 

If you'd like to step back into that part of my journey with me, I'm sharing a sample chapter from my memoir, The Long and Winding Road: From Cultic to Catholic

Chapter Thirty-nine, “Take It To The Limit,” takes you into that Holy Thursday night - when I was still preparing to become Catholic and had absolutely no idea what the future held. 

I invite you to read it. And perhaps, as you do, you'll remember a moment from your own life when you didn't realize you were watching your future. 

Following Truth Wherever He Leads.